This past week was a tough one at work… it’s well known now that we laid off about 4% of employees. I was actually pretty impressed with how well it was handled. The transparency, the consideration and support given, and overall reasoning was well explained and executed.  Regardless though, you know that those who were let go will feel a sense of loss and trust, and invariably that impacts those of us still at the company.  I completely believe in Yahoo’s current strategic plans, and get why some things were stopped and resources reallocated, but it was unfortunate to see some coworkers let go, and others act in a way that would make you question their motivations and integrity.

I remember attending a seminar by Dr. Karen Stephenson at OCAD about Trust networks a few years go. The basic premise is that real power within a company is based on who is trusted more and not on hierarchies.  Anything that affects trust bonds, directly or indirectly, will eventually impact you as well.

This incident was just one of many situations over the last few weeks where I’ve been thinking about trust. Who can you trust? your friends? co-workers? yourself?

It hasn’t been a secret, that I’ve been trying to get back in shape (a shape other than round…).  I was doing mad cardio, eating well (cooking a lot more again), and sleeping well.  Mind you, I was still only averaging 6 hours a night… But I was never really sure of my progress. My Tanita weight scale fluctuates.  It was saying that I was between 23% an 28% body fat and between 205lbs and 211lbs depending upon the day or time I weighed myself.

So I decided to take a hydrostatic test that is supposed to be the most accurate for body fat measures. Basically, you lay face down and fully submerged in a body-length tub, and then you exhale out as much air as possible to float in the tub.You have to do that 3 times. It was freaky – you feel like you’re trying to drown yourself, and you have to trust that the guy is going to allow you to come back up for air when you need it.  It lasted all of 3 minutes, but I was exhausted at the end.  Not sure if I believed them when they said it is normal to be tired at the end.

Anyway, it said that I was at 25% body fat (the average for western worlds is 27% – it’s higher for the US) and my weight was 208lbs – so not like I’m much better than the average.

I could have just taken the average of my Tanita tests, and I would have the accurate test – could’ve saved myself 50 bucks!  That was in the beginning of November. so I had lost 14lbs and 4% body fat in September and October.

Turns out that I can’t trust myself though! After the test, I think I conned myself into thinking I could take a bit of a break. That was the slippery slope… skipped one day, turned into 2 days, into a week, and the binges started again… and before I knew it a whole month passed by…  I only got back into the gym because @sulfyna called me out! And so last week, I finally made it back onto the tread mill.  I recall some others  telling me to go get some more donuts… (ahem ahem @rahimjiwani )

So here I am with 2 weeks to go, and I’m still 210lbs and 25% body fat and aware that I can’t trust myself (what does that mean for my trust network??)  I really don’t feel like sticking my finger down my throat, so it I doubt I’ll make the target… I suppose I should be happy that Thanksgiving was spent on a sailing trip, rather than in front of a Turkey feast, and I’ve only actually put on another 2lbs.

how about the rest of you? where you at??

Earlier posts:

Post 2: The Lighter side of Fat

Post 1: Fat with a pH